Be Careful What You Wish For

When my five-year-old daughter threw a penny into a wishing well she wished for “boobies and a bra”, and my son wanted “a really fast car”. 

I’ve been wishing to take a little trip somewhere and my husband’s wish over the summer was that he could just lie in bed watching TV.

Well turns out we all got a little of what we wanted. 

Now before you think I’m callous for being able to make light of a horrifying situation, I will say I’m VERY VERY grateful my husband is ok and they do say that laughter is the best medicine. 

So, he fell out of a tree and broke his back in a few places! That was our trip, my son got to see a speeding ambulance, my daughter got to see daddy squeeze his boobies into a bra (ok so it was a back brace but still) and my husband got to spend a few weeks lying in bed watching ’Top Gear’ reruns on ‘Dave’. 

After that though things started to get all of a muddle when it came to our wishes. 

I know once upon a time I wished to have kids whose bottoms I could dry, socks I could put on and whose tiny toenails I could clip. But I’m pretty sure I never wished to be doing that to a 6ft 2 man – although I have always had a strange thing for the Jolly Green Giant. 

And what about the ability to recognise someone purely by the sound of the gas they emit?

I have NO idea whose wish that was. But due to the thinly veiled cubicles courtesy of the NHS we both learned that trick pretty quickly.

If you hear me calling him by his new pet name ‘Bay 2B’ you now know why.

I certainly wish to never have to listen to the dulcet tones of the bed pan chorus again – I tell you that could make an interesting act for ‘Britain’s Got Talent’.

So actually what has been determined from this unfortunately incident – of which four-months later he is on the right path to making a full recovery and seriously considering getting back up a ladder to de-mistletoe the trees in the orchard?

Well obviously I wish I had the power to turn back the hands of time and ensure it didn’t happen. But that’s impossible, so instead I’ll be grateful that these two wishes came true.

1.) That he will be ok and hopefully back on the tap dancing bandwagon in no time. 

2.) I didn’t have to wipe his bum!!!! And the ‘Bottom Buddy’ (Google it) I bought as a welcome home present remains in an unopened box under the bed. 

Christmas present anyone?