Checking Out the Somerset Birds

I recently spent an evening doing something I’ve never really been sure I was into. My husband was more keen than I was, especially as he was told there might be a rare photo opportunity – but I felt a little uncomfortable about it.

We’d invited some friends to join us, but most of them looked at me like I was crazy when I asked them – or they just ignored my messages. I didn’t know if I was being weird or if they were being boring. Anyway, I went for it regardless.

In the end, I enjoyed a phenomenal performance. A bevvy of beautiful birds who were performing for a crowd of excited and very eager voyeurs who could not wait for the show to start. 

I didn’t know what to expect and I didn’t really know what the etiquette was for these things. Should I talk to the man next to me? Should I pay? If so, where do I put the money? How long would it go on for? 

After urming and ahhing about the whole situation, I made eye contact with the gentleman to my right and asked if he’d been here before and if it was any good.

He said that they’d been doing the same routine night after night so they should be well rehearsed.

And so the murmuration began. (CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO)

For those of you who don’t know what a murmuration is, it’s not a show that happens at ‘The Body Shop’ strip club on Sunset Boulevard – google it. The birds aren’t women in thongs, they are actually birds. Starlings to be exact and I got to see them in all their glory looking for a place to roost, flying like a giant black shadow across the moorlands, and it was way better than the time I had to hunt down the stripper who was dating Michael Jackson’s doctor in LA.

Halloween in Hollywood Laid Bare

WARNING: This post contains partial nudity which may be disturbing.

I love fancy dress! I’ve always loved it. In Los Angeles where Halloween was often branded ‘Whore-O-Ween’ due to the slutty nature of so many of the costumes, I often revelled in wearing the biggest, ugliest, most ridiculous costume instead. If you’ve seen my Mrs. Potato Head kid’s party social media post, this probably won’t come as a surprise to you.

Halloween in Hollywood
Fortunately my friends in LA were as ridiculous as me

Boy did I see some costumes in my time there. Terms normally reserved for a Daily Mail article would best describe them “spilling out”, “busty display” “jaw-dropping cleavage”. You get the picture. But I’m still lost for words at a costume that has been forever been etched in my mind. 

One year I ventured to the famed West Hollywood Parade where apparently pretty much anything goes.

There he was, a regular looking man wearing a pair of glasses, his head just poking up out of the crowd. 

A simple ‘Jason Voorhees’ hockey mask rested on top of his balding head.  

But as the people parted to make way for him, I realized he was wearing the most terrifying outfit I’d ever seen.

He was naked, all except for a very small pouch that barely, and I mean barely covered his privates. This homemade banana hammock would have given Borat a serious run for his money.

As if in a bad dream, I stood unable to move or scream as he tapped his way towards me in…..wait for it….a pair of clogs.

Halloween in Hollywood
No denying this man had some balls to wear this!

The worst thing was yet to come though as my husband (boyfriend at the time) encouraged me to have a photo with him. 

“Go on, get in close, put your arm around him and give a smile,” he said. 

God, how I wish I’d had a pair of Marigolds at that moment – or a time machine.

My arm slipped behind his back, and I guess I was so stunned by the lack of outfit at the front, I hadn’t given enough thought to what was going on in the back.

My hand grazed across his bare bottom just as my husband yelled: “Cheese”.

Seconds later, after the camera had captured this moment, ‘Pouch Man’ only went and dropped his tiny man purse and guess where I was stood at this point? Right behind him. 

I could then confirm the pouch DID NOT cover everything!

I refuse to let this image (which if you need a bigger photo you can see here) taint my love of Halloween though. 

So even now as we live our life in this sleepy Somerset village, we brought a bit of Hollywood Halloween with us. Don’t worry, we didn’t fly ‘Pouch Man’ over.

But we did decorate our house to the nines and much to our surprise and my joy, so did lots of other families. 

The village was rife with carved pumpkins and a festive spirit.

The kids still went trick or treating and came home with a belly and a bucket full of sweets and best of all the only balls I had to contend with were chocolate eyeballs!