WARNING: This post contains partial nudity which may be disturbing.
I love fancy dress! I’ve always loved it. In Los Angeles where Halloween was often branded ‘Whore-O-Ween’ due to the slutty nature of so many of the costumes, I often revelled in wearing the biggest, ugliest, most ridiculous costume instead. If you’ve seen my Mrs. Potato Head kid’s party social media post, this probably won’t come as a surprise to you.
Boy did I see some costumes in my time there. Terms normally reserved for a Daily Mail article would best describe them “spilling out”, “busty display” “jaw-dropping cleavage”. You get the picture. But I’m still lost for words at a costume that has been forever been etched in my mind.
One year I ventured to the famed West Hollywood Parade where apparently pretty much anything goes.
There he was, a regular looking man wearing a pair of glasses, his head just poking up out of the crowd.
A simple ‘Jason Voorhees’ hockey mask rested on top of his balding head.
But as the people parted to make way for him, I realized he was wearing the most terrifying outfit I’d ever seen.
He was naked, all except for a very small pouch that barely, and I mean barely covered his privates. This homemade banana hammock would have given Borat a serious run for his money.
As if in a bad dream, I stood unable to move or scream as he tapped his way towards me in…..wait for it….a pair of clogs.
The worst thing was yet to come though as my husband (boyfriend at the time) encouraged me to have a photo with him.
“Go on, get in close, put your arm around him and give a smile,” he said.
God, how I wish I’d had a pair of Marigolds at that moment – or a time machine.
My arm slipped behind his back, and I guess I was so stunned by the lack of outfit at the front, I hadn’t given enough thought to what was going on in the back.
My hand grazed across his bare bottom just as my husband yelled: “Cheese”.
Seconds later, after the camera had captured this moment, ‘Pouch Man’ only went and dropped his tiny man purse and guess where I was stood at this point? Right behind him.
I could then confirm the pouch DID NOT cover everything!
I refuse to let this image (which if you need a bigger photo you can see here) taint my love of Halloween though.
So even now as we live our life in this sleepy Somerset village, we brought a bit of Hollywood Halloween with us. Don’t worry, we didn’t fly ‘Pouch Man’ over.
But we did decorate our house to the nines and much to our surprise and my joy, so did lots of other families.
The village was rife with carved pumpkins and a festive spirit.
The kids still went trick or treating and came home with a belly and a bucket full of sweets and best of all the only balls I had to contend with were chocolate eyeballs!